Unterwegs

On the bus (6 hours ☠️) to Copenhagen, Denmark… a very random trip that resulted from me feeling sad and restless 2 weeks ago. I’m going with someone I just met a month ago, so hopefully it’s gonna be ok. 😂 I’m not exactly the friendliest person if you haven’t known me for long (maybe even then 🤭)

I’ve been so bad at updating and posting all the travel posts that I promised, or even updating my story or Hamburg-related things that I planned to, but it’s been hectic. And I’ve been thinking a lot.

One of the biggest things this trip is that I got to meet one of my inspirations for the story I’m currently writing… an old friend that I only met for half an hour 4 years ago in Helsinki. This time, he came down to Hamburg to visit me for 4 days. And it was so great to see him again and hanging out, because most of our friendship (and ensuing drama) has been conducted online through different time zones.

Seeing him again made me realise many things, and I think I’m satisfied now with the way things stand. I also feel very close to him now, so I hope we stay good friends, even after I go back to a different continent and a huge time difference. 🙈 He also taught me some Finnish, a lot of which are things I already learnt on my own, but it’s actually quite nice to have a native speaker say the words out loud and I repeated after him. And he was surprised at how well and quickly I picked up the pronunciations 😏 I think I could really learn this language properly.

That also made me remember my original plans back in 2015. When I visited Helsinki, I meant to take a Finnish language course, but was waitlisted so I only spent 3 weeks there on my own. But when I left, I was determined to return someday and do that bloody course.

And now I am determined to start planning again and making sure that I get to do that in the future.

I also have a lot of life plans to discuss with my boyfriend. He wasn’t happy about my old Finnish friend’s visit, and there was some intense drama, but hopefully he will come to realise we’re just friends and that, despite the past, technically nothing ever happened. I’m not going to give up one for the other. They’re both important to me in different ways.

The other big realisation that came out of this trip was that… my current life isn’t enough for me. I want more. And I want to do something more, rather than just being happy with my stagnant job right now. I might be ok with staying for now, but I don’t want to spend the next 30 years doing the same thing in the same place with no progression at all.

The truth is, I might be more suited to a freelancing lifestyle than a fulltime work life. But we’ll see. I have a lot of ideas on what I should do, but nothing concrete yet. All I know is that I need a change in life. And I hope that my boyfriend will want to come along with whatever journey I hope to embark in the future. Because I don’t want to give up my dreams, but I also don’t want to give him up.

Life is a dilemma, isn’t it? It means nothing to be somewhere I love if I don’t have people important to me waiting for me when I get back, but it also means nothing if I don’t love the place I live in. I need to somehow find a compromise between the two, and I don’t know how to do it in a way that can make myself happy.